Get In, We're Boldly Going

justbeencumberbatched:

lesbian-songbirds:

If 1 in 10 teens are gay, then statistically, there are two gays in each of my classes… I’m one, so where’s the other one? Come out come out wherever you are ya little shit

im not sure if that last line is a pun or not

an-abiding-dude:

WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT, MOTHERFUCKERS?
YOU WANNA GO????

an-abiding-dude:

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT, MOTHERFUCKERS?

YOU WANNA GO????

fuqyourlies:

reasonswhydansafail:

sleepingartist:

urbancatfitters:

if i ever start a band i’m going to name it “music” and then it will be literally impossible to find any of our songs on the internet

the first album : “Unknown album”

the hit single: “track 1”

album art

image

Some people wanna watch the world burn

daftlypunk:

i hit my coworkers shoulder lightly and he was like “you’re going to make me cry like a girl” and i was like “what’s wrong with being a girl?” and he was quiet for a moment then he looked into the distance and whispered “the social standards they’re forced to live by”

collababortion:

kittydoom:

salon:

We dare you to say we don’t live in a rape culture.

Amazingly, not The Onion:

“[W]e now have young men telling Bloomberg News that they basically view their female peers as rape bombs just waiting to explode and ruin their lives.”

I REPEAT: THIS IS NOT THE ONION

kitkaloid:

jade nojade stop

kitkaloid:

jade no
jade stop

bespectacledsloth:

all-four-cheekbones:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:
Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.
Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken.  The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.
At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates.  While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.
A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.
The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.

#I am so glad I kept reading

The number of people that aren’t reading the whole thing and are hailing it as fact make me laugh harder than the actual story.

bespectacledsloth:

all-four-cheekbones:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:

Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.

Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken.  The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.

At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates.  While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.

A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.

The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.

#I am so glad I kept reading

The number of people that aren’t reading the whole thing and are hailing it as fact make me laugh harder than the actual story.

damianmcgintleman:

frenearden:

The only thing funnier than a pun is the look of utter disappointment, hatred, and/or disbelief from the people around you

image

broe-v-wade:

ok look me in the eyes and tell me that dirk doesnt fucking lose it for robot unicorn attack game. its everything dirk loves and more cmon now

broe-v-wade:

ok look me in the eyes and tell me that dirk doesnt fucking lose it for robot unicorn attack game. its everything dirk loves and more cmon now

teen-dark:

if this gets 1000 notes i will tattoo half of eridan on one hip and the other half on the other hip with kanaya holding a chainsaw under my bellybutton.

I’m dead serious.